090909

09/09/09 today,once in a century. A normal day for me, as in doing nothing much apart from part time waitress job.

I just had video call with mum at home,she is ill at the moment,we ain't speak more than 10 minutes since she is not feeling well,she cried in the call,again,after not been crying for many times.

I bet,mum not feeling well in the bottom of her heart as well.She ended up the call with "girl,you have to take good care of yourself,mum loves you",and her tear dropped.Which torn my heart off at the same time.I couldn't understand,the reason she is crying this time,I normally do understand when she is crying,cause who knows her know she can cry easily.

Every time,every call,mum will say things like if I can't get a job in UK here please don't hesitate to go home.There are more good opportunities for me.But she never forced me,according to her it's just a kind advice and decision is in my hand.I totally understand what she is thinking,as a mum who loving and missing her beloved child,far away from home.Living alone out there a parted with oceans.

To be honest, I have no clue at all at this moment,and I am always lost.I hope my plan is worked,yet I don't want to hurt anyone I love-my family,my lover.I just can't afford to hurt anyone now.I'm helpless.

I feel like 'my day is gonna be bored again' everyday when I wake up.I know exactly what is going to happen,JOB HUNT,WORKING AT RESTAURANT or just nothing.I mean like normal days without any dates or appointments.Worse days can be online the whole day,not talking to anybody,sleeping or even crying alone.

I insist what I am pursuing now,I hope it's a right decision.Let's time and tide decide my future...

I pray hard that, one day when I wake up from bed and going to work for a job up to my satisfaction,for the first day after a battle with millions jobless people in the world,especially the serious recession happening in UK now.

Gambateh ! =)