Broken me.

Reality is kicking in :(

I have not been myself in these 34days.

My mind is not clear about what to do next, what should I do and where to go AT ALL.

I am in tears losing myself, I feel so lost, I feel guilty to my family. I feel useless because they'd thought how ambitious I am, in fact I am just another parasic.

My mood didn't swing too much; I have not been too upset, too happy, nor too excited. I was just calmed but that wasn't me. A friend of mine said it is a dangerous sign, because I don't show myself. Does what she say is true?

I thought this feeling would not attack me at home, but how on earth know  I have this feeling again, and it's the biggest one ever.

I have family around yes, I get some love off them yes. Behind the door, I don't even look myself in the mirror if I don't brush my hair, not to say smile to myself :(

Sister, brothers are busy with their own stuffs, friends are all busy with works, and he is so far away.

I thought family and friends would keep me busy, but I was wrong. Things are different now I realised.

I knew LDR is hard, but I didn't know it is so hard. :(

I am not looking forward to anything now :(